Being Perceived is Terrifying

Here we are, almost a full month in to this author journey. You would think the scary part would be the finances, or the editing of a 99K document... but that's not the scary thing for me.

Actually TELLING people that I write is by far the scariest part of this journey. For me anyway.

Perfect example: I told my coworkers. I teach for my day job and at our first faculty meeting, my principal asked if anyone had any 'celebrations or achievements' to share with the group. One co-worker announced the birth of his child (yay baby!!) and then the room grew silent. Before she could move on, I shoved my hand into the air. My boss started to walk around the room to pass me the microphone, but I offered to be my usual loud self.

I told the room "I've started publishing my first book!" but I literally had to close my eyes to say it. I can't explain why, but seeing ANYONE who isn't in my immediate circle hear that I'm writing and putting it out into the world... well, let's say I'd rather face the biggest drop on a roller coaster with my eyes open (which I have NEVER DONE, just ask my former middle school students).

Now several of them knew thanks to social media and my somewhat incessant posting about it, but actually SAYING IT OUT LOUD... Freaking terrifying. Being perceived is SCARY!

I was prepared to feel some sort of upset when someone didn't like my writing, or skipped over it. I get that "Restitching Destiny" or any of the other stories I'm putting out just are not for everyone. But the mere thought of people around me knowing that I'm writing scares me to death.

Don't even get me started on the fact that I write spicy romance... 👀

I've heard before that bravery means doing things while you are afraid. And there are a lot of things to be afraid of as a writer - What if I fail? What if it sucks? What if? What if? What if?

There's an audio on Tiktok that says something to the effect of "But what if it's good?"

That thought, the idea that someone might enjoy my writing, is the life jacket that keeping me from drowning... It's not perfect, and the waves that come along are pretty rough... but I can tread water for now.

If you're still reading, thanks for letting me rant a bit. I promise not everything I write is so complaint ridden!